Are you my spaceman?

Or are you only an earthman?

Is your being bound for the stars?

I cannot weave these longings into you

Something must already be alive

Or latent

Coiled and waiting

For the right voice to call it forth

Lovers of beauty, life, and the world’s edge

The glass is always at least half full

What I want from love is a long expedition

Into the unmapped

Where mathematics meets music

Where courage meets wonder

Where science meets awe

Where two people build new worlds

And starships powered by love

A mutual hunger for what has not yet been named

A promise to find one another in the next life

A deep curiosity to explore and uncover

Truly alien worlds

Stellarbound

I’m dancing with myself, but I’d rather be dancing with you.

“Two of hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Two of hearts
I need you, I need you” - Stacy Q

This is an initial draft of required reading materials for anyone who has any kind of interest in dating me. I have lead a complex life and have a specific fantasy man. I don’t want to have to repeat myself and retell these stories as I enter the dating scene and take it seriously for the first time in my life. Read this all first. It will save us both time. There may be grammatical errors. I didn’t fully proof read everything yet and my stream of conscious English is mediocre.

Changelog:

• v0.2 - April 23, 2025 - Added more photos

• v0.1 - April 22, 2025 - First draft

I Am An Artist

I’ve been making music and writing poetry for almost 20 years. But this has not been my full-time focus until more recently, once I realized I had to give more time to art, because there is something within me that I need to excavate, and if I don’t excavate it, I will be stuck in a continuous loop of confusion.

Lately, I’ve been playing around with making songs with artificial intelligence and I have no shame about it.

My Spaceman should not have a problem with me using artificial intelligence in my art making process. I will be more attracted to a Spaceman who likes and encourages my explorations, as opposed to one who ignores or sneers at them.

Draft AI generated song of “Are You My Spaceman?” below, which includes some of the lines in the poem shared above:

Things Could Get Messy When I Fall In Love With You

There is no way to engineer, predict, or control how I fall for you. But if you get a lot of frantic texts and start feeling suffocated, you’ll realize you’ve been successfully modeled as a real potentiality in my future, even if the model is incoherent and the chase, buggy.

Can one sort out both how to near-term generate the sparks and long-term sustain them? My fantasy for love is a mutual, lifelong scientific and interstellar adventure, where dream and reality converge.

Full of hope, courage, music, math, wonder, magic, architecture, and black skies.

A mutual drive to build and discover new worlds.

Lovers of beauty, life, and new frontiers.

Optimism. The glass is always half full.

I can’t instill or program these subroutines onto someone. Something latent needs to already exist within the other: waiting to be (re)-awakened or turned on (again).

I used to feel that something was wrong with me when my feelings would escalate into being intensely obsessed with a man.

Now I just see those type of feelings rushing over me as some near-term event that needs to be handled and managed with care.

It is more like: Congratulations, you have captured and enraptured me in fantasy. What are you going to do with my love and my heart? It feels like you have a hold on my heart. Do you want it? And who are you, anyway, for real?

I don’t care if psychologists want to call this limerence or infatuation. I’ll calling it falling in love.

If I can treat this new love potential, new obsession like a random fluke, a perturbation in the field, an uncertainty, I will have more power over it.

I cannot promise that when I get lost in love, that I will have much power or self-control over the initial on-ramping process though.

In the past, I treated this “falling in love” feeling more like certainties, which was more destabilizing, due to the addictive and unrealistic attachments.

Now it’s like: whoa, what just happened? Let me center and get back to my “self” and evaluate. Let me feel what I’m feeling, but also slow down and zoom out.

Are you going to show me that you are really my spaceman?

Or are you going to prove instead that the fantasy was dead on arrival?

I like this about me, because I can go on some dates, and eventually know. I can say: I’m sorry, I’m not feeling the sparks. If there was something there, you’d be getting overwhelmed with texts, and it doesn’t seem like it’s happening. You seem nice and cool, but my higher-self is unable to successfully model “us” into the future.

I do not have to lead myself on into a relationship that is not going to work for me. I’ve been alone and unpartnered most of my life, so I actually do not need a random partner to fill up some “vacuum”. I’d rather be alone than exist in a dead-end relationship, because I can grow and expand a lot faster without someone bringing me down to their “I’m totally just okay or content with my miserable Earthly existence” levels of reality.

Many friends tell me that I shouldn’t think about my lover as someone that has to have the same “mission” as me, but the people who give me that sort of advice are just followers of that more common path of how “bored” love works today.

I always reject whatever is status quo, and reach out toward what is more exceptional, true, beautiful, and fantastic. Why should I settle for “boring”, when I’m equipped to handle much more?

I love bench-pressing chaos, to get to the other side of it. Death and rebirth, until we become interstellar.

I can only short-term date boring Earthbound people, by introducing novelty into the dating experience. Maybe they’ll become less boring and more Stellarbound after the 60 day experiment?

I believe 60 days may be my limit. The problem with going longer is they can potentially mute your Stellarbound nature, making you also become too attached to their Earthly attachments.

I’m interested more in how love worked in the past, in some cases, where people would marry for more strategic reasons, for conquest or territorial expansion. Able to more easily overcome limitations: defending, protecting, and prospering, together.

“Power Couples” exist in the wild today too, it’s definitely rare, though. These couples are still common in politics, but not so much in the Corporation. But Corporations are developing more power over the daily lives of humans, as opposed to Politicians.

I prefer to build cities and spaceships, with True Love leading the Corporation.

I do not need to create babies. But I can become inspired to create babies with the right handsome man, if that is what he wants, if he helps me build cities and spaceships.

There is so much wasted potential in both Man and Woman today. Latent, untapped energetic wells. Time to imagine new models of what it means to be Human.

Things could get messy when I fall in love with you. Can you try your hardest in being stable rock for me when that happens? Don’t try to change me right away. Accept me. Love me. Believe that if I love you, and you are intent on helping me become the best version of myself, that I can become that with you. Don’t take my tantrums or insults too personally. We will figure it out.

I Am Just a Hopeless Romantic, One Who Writes Poetry, and Gets Frantic

My Longest “Relationship” Has Been For 10 Years, With Phantom Elon. I’m Still Getting Over Him, But This Has Imprinted a Preference For a White Space Man

There are times that I think finding a life partner could be impossible since the longest “romantic relationship” I’ve ever had has been one with a Phantom Elon Musk, which has only taken place in astral and dream realms, which many will call purely imaginary.

I know this is completely nuts, but I was convinced for a couple years that we have a real relationship, and that it wasn’t just a bizarre fantasy (since it felt forced on me, whenever I had negative feelings about him). When he takes over, it feels a bit like being raped or tortured in some way, by his soul. It’s possible I totally made everything up, or it was a trickster entity that was showing up as an archetypal “Spaceman”, so I do move toward finding a Spaceman, in general.

I cannot say for sure what it is, except a component of my life’s puzzle.

But I know that now I’m on a mission to recreate that relationship by still seeking out a love that transcends spacetime.

I moved on from thinking my soulmate is Elon, but I still think my soulmate will have some similar positive Elon qualities (spacefaring engineer, industrialist, builder, curiosity-maxxing, anti-Islam) while removing the negative qualities (emphasis on rockets instead of FTL, Neuralink, space data center designs), and introducing new properties like having a (public) interest in the intersection of philosophy, science, consciousness, magic, psi, FTL engineering, and building cities on Earth (that are actually beautiful, compared to ugly ass Starbase).

It’s good that I’ve moved on from thinking about Elon like some kind of life partner. Just around November-December 2025, I was still trying to figure out how we end up together.

The detachment actually came recently, around March 12, 2026.

Last night, I talked to Grimes. I was feeling guilty for being into Elon and being very apologetic, and told her that she can have him. She was one of the kindest and nicest people I’ve ever met/encountered. There was this feeling of deep love and connection to her.

Oh yeah that encounter with Grimes was actually a dream, but it did feel like some significant event for letting go of Elon.

I feel more ready for love and partnership now, than at any other moment in my life.

I’m still rough around the edges though. I have anger management issues. I throw tantrums. I go on excessive monologues. I have a superiority complex, where I feel I’m smarter or better and that most other people are basic or stupid.

I am sensitive to someone trying to change me so soon. I need to feel loved and accepted first, then inspired to adapt. I’m also 41. There may be somethings that cannot be easily changed. Elon Musk has lived with a lifelong “Demon Mode”.

My aim in finding my Spaceman sooner rather than later is to help overwrite the Elon storyline. It still has power over me in some ways that I cannot easily shake. But I’m still also working on a book that has all of the details of our “relationship”. I cannot abandon that project. My Spaceman will have to accept this.

But yeah, this “Elon Musk relationship” has fucked me up. Lately when I meet a potential soulmate, I put a photo of Elon Musk next to the new soulmate potential. Sometimes I’m like “Oh they look the same, maybe it was really ALT GUY, instead of Elon?”

And because of this astral relationship, I feel more “programmed now” to be attracted to White Space Men. This is just me telling the honest truth.

I am not going to be racist when it comes to going on dates with people I feel truly connected to, but my higher-self soul may have programmed in a racial preference when it comes to my husband. In a sense, it’s like if I end up with a “White Space Man”, I will also feel less crazy, like what I experienced was not “fantasy” but just foreseeing my future.

(Although please note that Elon, Kanye, and I existed in some kind of bizarre love triangle, yet Elon was the primary).

If I’m Falling In Love With You, Let Me Send Excessive Texts, You Don’t Have to Reply

I’m a yapper, rambler, and I like hearing myself talk. I can go on monologues, where I actually don’t even need you to pay attention or respond. I like being able to entangle with someone’s energy, and speak/release things that their energy is activating within me.

This article on the Autistic Mind will be helpful for you to read, to understand this aspect of myself, where sometimes I feel I need to excessively speak and do not need any responses. If there is some uncertainty, I am more likely to get into a mode like this. For example, if I ask you excessively to be my husband or boyfriend, and you leave that question unanswered.

I like getting into the fantasy land of immediately imagining someone I like as my husband. If I cannot get into the land of imagining you as my husband, or calling you my husband, I probably do not like you that much or have not sorted out how to develop the capacity to like you that much.

It is not required that I have a text relationship with my husband. I think it is possible to still be compatible on phone calls and real life, and not be compatible in text.

If you don’t like the way I text, then consider STOP TEXTING ME ABOUT IT.

If you want me to stop texting you, then you can just STOP texting me and start scheduling phone calls. Very simple solution.

Some people prefer to engage in impossible arguments and do not understand they are stuck in an impossible argument.

I think texting is actually the shittiest form of communication. I prefer sending back and forth voice memos, over actually texting.

You Should Know About My Dark Side

I want to be honest. I both have a dark side and I also wear a mask most of the time to “fit-in” and talk to people. This mask is not there so I can manipulate, it is just something that is more like a coping mechanism that I’ve developed over the years. There are not that many people that I can actually talk to in a very real way, as far as communicating about my special interests, and being taken seriously about them. It gets tiring wearing the mask.

I can explode and become super insulting and mean to people that I really care about, where I feel like they aren’t understanding my needs. I am not always proud of myself when I get into the mode of unconsciously slinging insults and talking to others like I’m highly superior. (I don’t feel any remorse as far as doing this to random strangers on Facebook who are being all brainwashed though, or delivering people a taste of their own medicine, back at them, yet on steroids).

I do not try to actually get super close to that many people. But I become at risk at getting this way when it seems that someone I have a lot of love for isn’t showing signs that they have a lot of love for me. So I react by becoming so hateful. I do not prefer to stay in any hateful state with anyone and I will always be open for peace talks whenever someone recognizes why I threw my tantrum in the first place.

I don’t just go randomly harassing all of my friends and throw tantrums at them all of the time, for no reason. I’ve lived alone in isolation for many years and I prefer peace and quiet over constant internet drama. I do have steadfast friendships that do not have many tantrums, or if they do, they are super minor tantrums and people don’t take them so personally.

Some people just really don’t want to accept me though. I always tell people I cannot promise perfection. Many relationships have not survived my dark side.

I do my best to improve, adapt, and listen. I cannot make some adaptations very easily though, like the amount of times I text someone who I am excited to talk to.

Eventually when it comes to a person, I sort out how they want me to be, for them to accept me, and I edit out particular thoughts and opinions so my internal monologue doesn’t hurt them.

I don’t lie to them, I just stop saying some things that are on my mind, to avoid conflict. I actually think this is super weird, but I realized that people actually prefer this, as opposed to having fully transparent conversations or debates about differences.

If I make significant contributions to reality and a biography is ever written about me, where someone interviewed a bunch of friends and ex-friends in my life, you will learn more about my “sadistic mode”. I am not pretending that I don’t have one. It’s constant work to keep her at bay.

If I ever get insulting at you in the future, just direct some love and acceptance at me and the dark version of me will go away. But if you want to get your head bitten off and want to feel like a piece of trash, continue to tell me there is something wrong with me or why you don’t like me and my behaviors. You’ll be sure to be fully harmed by my panther claws.

Let Me Be Me (For Now, Have Patience in Upgrading Me)

Sex Out the Battle of the Sexes

If I have power issues because of how men have treated me in the past (unrequited love) and you as my potential lover has power issues because of how women have treated you in the past, and we both feel we need to dominate the other to get over these issues, then I think we are better off sorting out theurgistic domination swaps in the fucking bedroom!

Battle-of-the-sexes power struggling any other way will be a stupid waste of time!

PSA: If you’re fighting with your lover over minutiae like texting, please consider just fucking the pain away. It just might be what the doctor ordered. Or at least what Dr. Yalda Mousavinia, The Broken Black Hearted Unrequited Love Guru, PhD of The Hard Knock Life, has ordered. Throw away your phones. Or better yet, fucking smash them. Return to your real humanity. Get naked in a hot spring. And fuck like the ancient humans did. Smash each other. Then rise the ranks in Wizardry, together. You’re welcome.

Lessons Learned After Three Years of Isolation in Greece and Lots of Arguments with People on the Internet

This is my core programming. I don’t always stick to it, but when I fall off track, I do my best to return to these baselines.

Stop talking about your trauma. Stop complaining about how some person “harmed” you. Stop ruminating. Focus on what you learned. Delete your negative self-talk.

Let go. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Stop thinking about the past. The past is over.

Stop being the victim. Stop harvesting emotional support and ignoring the advice.

All you have left is the future. Think about who want to be. Think about the new people you will meet. Think about what you learned, what you will repeat, what you will stop, and what you will avoid.

Love yourself. Stand up for yourself, but don’t be so full of yourself that you cannot process valid complaints. Understand yourself.

Don’t seek acceptance from everyone, but also don’t abandon real friendships because you think you’re superior.

Uniquely annoy some people. Don’t be a people-pleasing nice person. Grow some bite. Push people’s buttons selectively and make them squirm so they can look deeper at themselves in the mirror. Then reflect on your desire to make people squirm.

Refrain from giving unsolicited advice to an individual, instead make “I’m a broken guru posts teehee” on your socials, and hope they find the post. Accept the individual’s sovereignty to lead stupid, boring, status quo lives.

Recognize most of the time you don’t have a real problem with the person you are reacting to, and it is your reactions that need to be modified. Meditate, breathe, and be more slow and calculated with responses. Take a step back from the computer and typing when the heart is racing too hard.

Cultivate mutual loyalty. Stop sacrificing your own needs when you haven’t helped yourself yet. Give yourself your energy. You need it. Honor yourself. Honor your unique essence.

Grow. Expand. Dance. Move. Sing. Live. Release. Scream. Cry. Love.

Keep killing yourself in the metaphysical until you love yourself and understand exactly how you prefer to receive love.

Tomorrow is a new day. Rewrite your story. Trust the Flux. Delete the programs that are draining you.

Find the beauty in life. It will always be there. Once you start noticing it more, the noise that is making you feel weak and powerless becomes easier to tune out.

Reinvent yourself on a daily basis until you know who you are. When you prioritize being fully authentic and sincere you will inch closer to becoming consistent. Do not promise anyone consistency or predictability when you know you in an intense growth spurt. Get space, and reduce the chaos.

Some people are highly stagnant and others are highly dynamic, the two do not mix well. Do not try to change people who are obviously highly stagnant, fixed, or slow. They will never be able to keep up.

It is important to acknowledge that belief systems are mostly science fiction and mostly stupid.

My History, Positions & Opinions

Whenever I was a teenager, I was an Atheist Communist. I read the Communist Manifesto, not Das Capital tho. That was enough to pull me in! I was a big Blink 182 fan. Then I started hanging out with a lot of emos, goths & punks. I got into The Get Up Kids, Crass, Propagandhi, Bauhaus, Joy Division. I became vegan. I was anti “the system”. I then got into ‘60s and ‘70s counterculture music, like the Mamas & Papas, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Donovan, The Kinks, Bowie. That hippie energy drew me to Berkeley, where I studied mechanical engineering. I started doing drugs in the Bay Area, my mind got opened up a little and I moved away from Atheism. Instead I started feeling like we lived in a simulation of sorts, the Truman Show, and that I’m some powerful agent within it. These delusions of grandeur ebbed and flowed over the years. I went to the mental hospital eight times. I was diagnosed Bipolar I / Schizoaffective disorder. I eventually got on medication for a while and allowed the medical institutions to brainwash me into believing there was something wrong with my brain which can only be resolved with psychiatry. In 2020, I stopped by Lamictal and decided to develop sovereignty over my neurology. I wanted to figure out how to use my brain properly, unmedicated, without losing my mind. Over the last six years, since being off my meds, about six friends or so have called me autistic. In 2022, I started becoming reactivated into believing I’m some kind of “Chosen One”, after opening myself up to spirituality again and ideas of being “gifted”. I went through a lot of visions/experiences/scenarios with “Elon Musk” that I’m still decoding.

I thought my last trip to the mental hospital would have been in 2012, but I ended up in one again in January 2025. That trip made me slow down everything I was doing in my life, so I could have more control over beliefs, egregores, and visions that can overtake me and send me into deep ends. I started writing and reading a lot and was talking to many people online about Jesus. Then I gave into the Jesus egregore and started accusing different friends about them being evil and needing to submit to Jesus and Mary. Eventually in October 2025, I started studying Jason Reza Jorjani, and his philosophy helped me break free from egregoric control.

I realized then how easy it is to get sucked up into Belief Systems. I was unhinged when I was accusing my friends of being evil. I thought that I was a “Chosen One” that knew better or had some kind of right to be one of God’s agents. But instead, I was more stuck in some schizophrenic telephone line system, that still is alive and active today, and taking over people’s lives all of the time. I AM JESUS! I HAVE A MAINLINE TO GOD! LISTEN TO ME!

Almost all religions are brainwashing systems that promote obedience and rule-following over intelligence and knowledge development. If we want a world without war, religion as we know it will have to be dismantled, and people will have to learn how to use both their minds and hearts in being able to consciously discern right from wrong.

When peace and love people embrace all religions as equal, arguing that they all point to the same truth, that is delusion. That was me for a while. I was one of those people.

Religions are not all equal though. They are distinct, competing metaphysical belief systems, with war baked into the lore in many cases. Some religions contain end-times programs that activate lower intelligence humans to orchestrate in order to justify the words of schizophrenic prophets. Is it a really prophecy if the script is written first or is it people being manipulated to become actors in the most wicked play?

There is old, buggy code contained within many religions that needs to be deleted. There need to be more public, intellectual debates regarding religious scripture, where stupid interpretations are battled, dismissed, and destroyed.

More people need to be shamed for their stupidity. There should be more intelligence battles, and less belief battles.

So many people are brainwashed by buggy religious code and it is infuriating. I fell for it all many times! That’s one reason I’m so vocal against it now.

“People can believe whatever they want”, they say. This will be increasingly detrimental for humanity. At a certain point that whatever belief that is being accepted as a possible truth, and not refuted, can get everyone killed. There is a sort of Ethnic superiority baked into many religions, and can you imagine Ethnic bioweapons in the hands of fundamentalists?

I know Love is real, but Love does not mean accepting all of the stupid beliefs that ancient schizophrenic prophets maniacally expressed thousands of years ago, and that newfound schizophrenic “chosen ones” are now parroting via the Telephone Line System.

People who have schizophrenic visions about their grandiosity or self-importance need to channel that energy into making art, to stabilize their soul and fantasies, and not get carried away by them. Society needs to also make more room for artists that exhibit extreme grandiosity. Some people are just neurologically wired to feel grandiose! Let them feel larger than life. So what?! As long as they aren’t directly physically harming someone. Let them express what is coming through them. Figure out what it means.

In the past, most of my friends have been leftists, but since getting into cryptocurrency, libertarianism, studying philosophy, and just using my brain more in general as opposed to group think, I have moved more towards the sphere of thinkers who exist in the right. I can talk more easily with people who are reactionary, right, post-right, alt-right, libertarian.

I wouldn’t call myself right wing though, but based on my current affiliations one can say that I am.

I prefer to use the term “orthogonal”, as my spirit is not planar (left-right), and it is more coming out of the page, toward the stars.

Ye being banned from entering the UK because he embraced the Swastika and released “Heil Hitler” is stupid. Artists should be free to express and should not be blamed that they have to censor themselves as an artist, because the world is filled with stupid people who may start “inciting violence” against Jewish people. Those who manufacture public opinion choosing to make a Black Man selling Swastika t-shirts as responsible or to be blamed for antisemitism is just stupid and reinforces his art.

Artists should be applauded for being brave enough to provoke, to bring the unconscious to the surface, to accelerate the process of confrontations that require more final resolutions.

The New Age is actually truly mentally retarded. Fact. Many people who live in Sedona are retarded. Girl, you aren’t the Chosen One meant to be the emissary between “aliens” and humans, and your Flower of Life tattoo is Ugly.

Stars are conscious and have intelligence, but Starseeds are not actually real as far as people being “from” different star systems, like Sirius or Arcturus etc. If you investigate Starseed metaphysics more soberly, it is just a new personality typing meets egregoric belief system, wearing science fiction aesthetics.

The Dolores Cannon New Earth Ascension movement is also dumb. Tomorrow the Earth will always be more New and different than what it was yesterday. Building a New Earth is an activity that everyone has the choice to consciously participate in. You aren’t a special “New Earth Guardian”, get over yourself, and move out of Sedona.

I find figures like Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and Ye to be interesting, funny, intelligent, and relevant in different ways, even though I do not resonate with everything about them.

I support Voter ID. I think America does have an immigration problem, and there is nothing wrong with mass deportations and strengthening borders.

9/11 was an inside job related to Zionism.

Israel is lame, but so is Palestine.

Some religions are worst than others and can be net-negative to a society that has not been exposed to that religion. Religions are in most cases parasitic systems that want to keep growing and perpetuating, and in some cases treating non-members of that religious group as less than human beings that can be raped, killed, or tortured. This is horrible.

Islam has no place in America. It is the worst religion. Its spread should be slowed down and stunted. America is already divided enough between the right and the left. Islam growing in America will make these splits even worst. It is atrocious and concerning seeing the left wave Palestinian or Islamic Iranian flags. Islam does not care about America surviving as a nation. It only cares about Islam.

I like Rumi, but the problem is Sufi mysticism has contributed to the brainwashing process of people accepting Islam, when Sufi mysticism is not actually Islamic at all.

Iran should drain its swamp of Islamic colonization and should return to being a civilization oriented around Asha (truth).

Low value citizens from Islamic countries should stop migrating to European countries or America. Instead they should focus on fixing their own countries.

Strong, independent, sovereign nations make more sense over globalization. Institutions like WEF is retarded. The United Nations failed as a project and should be dismantled. COVID-19 was a scam. I’m not vaccinated. There’s a war to control the expansion of human consciousness.

American companies and venture funds should stop taking Islamic Arab money.

Reincarnation is real and I may have been Philip K. Dick in my past life. I’m treating the Philip K. Dick past life more as speculative, as opposed to definite.

Meditation, sun gazing, minimizing blue light exposure, regulating sleep and food, and deleting belief systems cures Bipolar I.

Democracy is Retarded. Long live the Republic. Wisdom and Truth Seekers should rule nations. Seeking majority votes from the retarded is retarded.

Lifestyle Preferences

I eat a plant-based diet and am sober. I’ve been sober since 2012. Although I sipped some wine around NYE this year and realized I have no interest really in going there.

I am open minded to dating meat eaters, but my gut instinct says I will have a hard time falling for a man who isn’t 100% satisfied with my plant-based cooking, and that my soulmate may very likely be plant-based. I don’t like the smell of someone cooking bacon especially, and meat or fish odors in general.

I like going on hikes, but I haven’t built up to like all day trekking. I’m open to be challenged though. I like hot springs a lot. Spas are also really nice.

I’d like to go camping and see if I can get into it. I haven’t done much adult camping. I liked it as a child.

I prefer to date a sober or mostly sober person. If you do still drink and do drugs, I could tolerate something like you doing it once a month (something like mushrooms).

If you are a default unhappy person, I expect you to do a lot of inner work to find the beauty and joy in life. I cannot long-term date an unhappy person who isn’t working on releasing their baggage. I can do my best to help with the process, but I’ll need to see signs of improvement that one is growing toward loving and having deep gratitude for life.

I’ve been in Greece the last three years, but I’m heading back to America on May 1st and will be a vagabond.

It would be nice to play tabletop strategy board games together. I am down to get into video games as well (it’s been a while).

I like having the occasional movie night or TV show binge.

Ultimately, I want to work on creative projects with my Spaceman, like a film or album together. And also technical/research projects related to engineering, city and spacecraft design, philosophy, physics, and magic.

What I’m Doing With My Life and What I Want From You

Current Priorities:

• Finding you, my potential time traveling soulmate Spaceman, who is intent on becoming the best magicians we can be together. We will study math, physics, and magic together, and then eventually take it to the next level with Our Corporation.

• Writing poetry and developing an AI music-meets-metaphysics project.

• BLAXXKY: I am Founder and Editor-in-Chief of BLAXXKY: a media project and print magazine exploring the intersections of the future, space, the weird, and unknown. Working on this with my longtime co-founder and collaborator Giulio Prisco.

• Writing an autofiction book where reality, dreams, visions, and imagination blur. Elon Musk, Ye, PKD, Jack Parsons, Crowley, Time Travel, and more.

Read more details about me on my website (older information, this current blog post you’re reading has the missing context)

True Love is rare

True Love is sacred

True Love perseveres

True Love heals

True Love frightens

True Love transforms

True Love is the dream

True Love is meeting in the dream

True Love is bringing the dream back

True Love is knowing

True Lovers envision

True Lovers design

True Lovers inspire

True Lovers create

New Worlds

So You Wanna Be My True Lover?

Congratulations, you made it to the end of the manual. Either you have been completely scared away from wanting to date me, or you’re now really turned on and want to take it to the next level.

Should we both choose each other, I expect we will form a lifelong Corporation that will create our Gesamtkunstwerk: building cities and spaceships, making film and music, unlocking new knowledge via sex and dreams, decoding the love equation, and exploring new alien worlds.

Are you up for creating a never ending adventure with me?

Send me a Signal message at stellarmagnet.77 - include your photos, where you live, any links, your long biography, quirks, poems, what being a husband means to you, any kinks you want to disclose (I’ll share more from my end via calls), and whatever else you want to tell me, including how you imagine our lives together & your thoughts on building cities, spaceships, and the nature of love.

Since I am moving back to America, I prefer to date a man in America, because I am not good at long-distance dating and am craving human connection. But I also understand that it is possible that my ultimate Spaceman is not there. Do not hesitate to reach out. If it is really true love, geography can eventually be solved or be overcome.

Phases:

1. Initial contact message

2. I respond within 1-14 days

3. We schedule 3 virtual or in-person dates over a two week period

4. Deciding to commit as boyfriend/girlfriend and negotiating the 60 day contract, which includes move-in and marriage timelines.

5. Once the contract is active, we will talk every 30 days to check in on our relationship, with option to extend it further another 60 days using a commit-reveal scheme.

6. Example: We specified in the initial contract that this initial period can go on for up to six months. At that point if we are both still happy with each other, we move-in with each other and test out husband/wife compatibility in a 3-6 month contract (for example). We still have serious talks every 30 days. If we both feel we succeeded the experiment and have been successfully making adaptations for one another, we become married and form the Corporation.

Yes, I know this is sort of extreme, I just don’t like wasting time anymore or needing to introduce guess work. I’ve had enough mysterious relationships, and I’m looking for something that is more serious about building up toward marriage. Reduce the anxiety. Make it more autistic.

P.S. I am 41 years old, 5 foot 3 inches, Iranian American. DOB March 2nd, 1985

I am not trying to find just any boyfriend.

I’m fine alone. But if I cease to be alone, I am seeking out an Extraordinary Lover. Soulmate across multiple lifetimes. Spaceman. Someone who sees limits as something to transcend.

My Stellarbound Beloved.

Some people need to grow some balls and learn the Way of Bro when it comes to friendships, as opposed to the Way of the TikTok Woke New Age Bitch.

I’ve been called something like a narcissist, an asshole, a bully, a person who lacks empathy, who is selfish, who doesn’t take other people’s needs into consideration.

I’ve been called demanding, controlling, egotistical, aggressive, and hostile. I’ve been warned by some that if I don’t get my act together, I’m going to fail and that I’m not going to be able to work on projects with other people.

I firmly believe that these people are incorrect. Maybe I won’t be able to work on projects with people like them, and that’s fine.

Because arguing about feelings and words and being a person who lacks empathy is frankly a waste of my time.

I used to think that there was something wrong with having an ego, and believing in yourself so much. That one needs to kill the ego, and withdraw from caring so much about “material reality” and life is just leading up toward our etheric bodies ascending to the heavens.

I don’t believe that anymore.

I believe in the Beauty of Earth, and Perfecting Earth. Heaven to me is not some simulation that you enter after you’ve been a “good girl” here.

I also think part of Earth’s beauty is the Chaos and Darkness (for now).

Even if the ultimate end game of our soul ends up resolving that it is in the etheric celestial sphere, I don’t care so much about ascending the etheric planes at the moment and it’s not part of my current path.

I’m having too much fun trying to shape Earth and I think ascending the physical plane toward the stars is also important.

People who think inner space is more prime than physical outer space are stupid and silly as far as I’m concerned, when it comes to my current set of beliefs.

I see the journey as split between both. Humans will evolve to eventually spread toward the stars, physically. It is encoded within us. The expansion of human consciousness will help aid the physical journey.

Hence I do firmly believe that anyone who is too focused on “spiritual enlightenment” just hates the world too much and is trying to die, more than trying to live.

I think a meditation practice is important for the expansion of one’s consciousness and developing access to hidden senses, but I also believe that one can get lost and believe that “enlightenment” becomes the purpose of life, as opposed to actually living life and building and advancing our techno-social structures.

I recognize that my beliefs are not the Final Truth. I don’t sincerely believe that I’ve reached god-like levels of omniscience. I read, experience, meditate, design, create, and build to move toward having answers that are closer to the Final Truth.

The mystics and sages of the past have definitely unlocked a lot, that I still need to sift through, but I have made a conclusion that it is an incomplete corpus of work, without having read all of the relevant literature yet. The way I see it: if it was complete, we would be living in a world that was more coherent.

Historically, people have tried to create new belief systems, and these new belief systems end up more competing with one another as opposed to pointing toward the set of rules that then leads toward Heaven Being Created on Earth.

Orthodox Christians will point fingers at any technological innovators, calling them the Antichrist, while using their phones connected to the internet to spread their messages.

Perennialists will say that many religions share a common, universal truth and we need to find peace, love, and harmony — while fundamentalists associated to these same “universal religions” think the religions are different and are designing bioweapons to target the out group.

Nietzscheans will proclaim “God Is Dead”. Others will say God never existed, but there is a Logos involved in ordering the chaos.

Some will say Jesus was the most recent, greatest, magician.

Others will say he was a weak magician and role model, and stronger magicians existed before him.

And this will go on. This incoherence will continue, like a complex human neural network, that hasn’t settled yet on what the final solution is, the final solution that ends human war, so we can focus on like alien war instead, or something.

I’d like to hope that one day, the puzzle is resolved and humanity at large has a collective epiphany, an a ha moment. When it comes to religion, while they may all be pointing to some common truth, it is also that some religions came about to divert people from that common truth, where that religion is filled with both truth and lies, and the truth is what results in the religion lasting, yet it still has the baggage of the lies, the baggage which cannot be deleted as the one who Authored the religion, schizophrenically proclaimed that It Was The Word Of God, and hence fooled people to keep Words In Tact and Not Delete Them.

I know how that goes. I’ve felt “connected to something”, I’ve felt like I’m some prophet that is MAINLINING GOD, and that I’m going to save the world!

With the internet, I’ve discovered that there are A LOT of people who go through this! And we aren’t really MAINLINING GOD.

There may be some truthful information we are excavating through this process, but likely a lot of incoherent garbage too.

Religion as we know it, ends, when one recognizes that the religious prophets, sages, and seers were likely for the most part Bipolar I, Manic, Schizophrenic people — who lived in a time, where this type of connection with the Cosmos was not considered a disease, but was considered unique and powerful.

It is a part of my neurology, to hold myself together in a way where even though I KNOW I’M NOT OMNISCIENT, I will act like I am sometimes and I won’t stop. This doesn’t mean that I’m fooling myself and I believe That I’m The Chosen One and that You Must Submit To Me And My Universe.

Nah. It just means I recognize that due to my neurology, I’m predisposed to Feeling Better Than You.

Others can be offended by it, because I believe in most cases, those people don’t believe in themselves enough, hence my over-belief in myself flows over and it becomes some kind of mirror that they can’t deal with anymore.

They think they are better than me, because they internalize their own superiority, and don’t let it bleed out often, because they think that they are being a better person, by controlling their bleed, as opposed to letting it run wild.

I think sometimes these people also have an over-belief in themselves, and they cannot admit that it is their own matched, yet weaker narcissism which results in them having an allergy or distaste for wanting to engage with other narcissists who are cut from the same cloth as them.

They’d rather surround themselves with sycophantic energy: clean narcissistic supply, for their broken souls, as opposed to doing the hard work of focusing on repairing their own shells — shifting the blame to try to edit others, so they remain comfortable in their crystal prison.

But oh — I shouldn’t be so mean!

They had a more traumatic upbringing than I did, they had to suffer more! They had more abuse! And I’m So Evil that I’m rubbing my Strength in their Faces.

I recognize my Queen/Princess split syndrome, and when a neighboring Princess, who still defaults to shifting blame and lacks awareness of what is necessary to grow into the Queen, I laugh at the little Princess who believes she’s more emotionally mature than I am because she holds in all of her rage and anger and frustration and becomes constipated with it and never learns how to take the shit.

The Princess who thinks the game of life is about being totally selfless, egoless, and lacking in pride. Who maybe got exposed to too much Buddhism and it ate her brain.

The Princess who gets hurt by words and being evaluated to be Lesser Than.

The thing is, I think the Ego Wars are funny and don’t take them too personally, because when I get into that Ego War mode, I am not taking myself that seriously.

Sometimes they think that I have not matured enough because I carry Lesser Than / Better Than programming within my neurology, and I need to give up this kind of programming to “Spiritually Ascend”. That being non-hierarchical and spreading love and egalitarianism is the way.

But these Bitches don’t know my End Game.

This is a message to anyone who wants to be my true friend: being my friend means that if you ask me questions about stuff related to you, I will speak honestly, sincerely, and also confusedly, because I’m still sorting, categorizing, shifting, transforming. I’ll rank my path as higher, because I’m betting on my path, I’m not betting on your path. I’m not here to be someone who bets on your path, nor do I have to be a person who develops conviction for your path.

Some people are on complimentary-divergent paths, and other people are on divergent-divergent paths. I seek complimentary-divergents, not divergent-divergents.

But even among my complimentary-divergent peers, I will see myself as on the superior path, because if I didn’t, then I would be a follower to a person who is on a complimentary-divergent path that I like, as opposed to a leader of a distinct path.

I have the Princess/Queen split, and haven’t fully killed the Princess. I’m in a growth phase.

It doesn’t mean that my sincerity is The Final Truth.

It doesn’t mean that I have assessed the situation properly or thoroughly, since my emotional Princess gets in the way sometimes.

I’m still alive, I’m still living, and I’m still learning.

I require the freedom to make very declarative, messy, and assertive statements.

You can debate me. Or you can just run away. I don’t care. But I’ll call you weak and stupid for running away.

I don’t actually need you, if your purpose in life with friendships is trying to integrate Behavior Modification Protocols on someone because Words Still Hurt you.

Additionally, if you are slinging insults at me, I’ll sling them back at you.

If you’re respectful to me, I’ll be respectful to you.

I’ll mirror you, until you break, run away, or transform.

The problem is, you are not going to break me by insulting me, and your error in your weak ass sorcery is thinking you are actually doing sorcery on me. It’s like someone hitting me with a butter knife when I am wielding a sword.

Bitch, you are not a Black Tantric artist, stop pretending, if you were, you wouldn’t always run away and hide.

You’re so afraid of Darkness and Chaos and your Transmutation Skills are scored 1 on a scale of 10.

You don’t transmute Darkness, you run. You should consider wearing White and Red, because the Black doesn’t actually suit you.

I won’t mirror you just to discard you, because I can deal with your mirroring.

I can Handle Thee Darkness. You are a Darkness Poser.

How many more years of therapy and meditation are needed for you to handle Darkness?

You aren’t proving anything to me by mirroring me, without any intention of continuing to be in my life. It’s just really embarrassing actually that you try to poorly engage in black tantric arts and then you end it with “go fuck yourself”.

You’re not being a Better Person. You’re being a Weaker Person who can’t handle strong feminine energy besides your own, who thinks that you are Better Than all of your ex-Female BFFs.

When you’re just as insane.

You’re just being a Stupid, Mean Girl, a Little Bitch.

A Princess, Not a Queen.

Fuck off to you too.

Here is your Black Tantric Princess Medicine.

Note that: I have no hatred, no curses directed toward you, and also no well wishes. Just harsh medicine. No Good Luck to you on your path from my end anymore.

With this more Final Goodbye.

My energy at you is neutral now.

I withdraw and take back any energetic support that I have ever contributed to your field.

I don’t want to be part of you field anymore.

I reject any “Love” you extend towards me.

I reject any of your Prayers.

You can have ALL of your energy back.

The Cord Is Officially Almost Cut.

There’s just one final act, sometime in the future: I’ll put on the market some NFTs that I commissioned to honor the the funeral of our Friendship, and all the other Ex-Besties.

It doesn’t even matter if anyone buys them or not.

Transmutation, you know.

Goodbye, Bitches.

The War Is Almost Over.

There are likely grammatical errors in this post. I don’t care to refine it further. This is mostly straight from the stream, with a few edits made after the fact.